forum.update

August 18, 2009

Updated the forums this morning so there's some new layouts, etc. Posts, post counts and other junk like that are all intact as far as I know. Log in and check it out! Let me know if there are any issues.

ALSO: The forums have been updated with improved captcha and ALL registered accounts with zero posts have been deleted. If yours was deleted because of this I apologize. You may now re-register and are allowed to activate your own account immediately.

- Joe

welcome to.kilu academy

December 24, 2009

Basically...this means...that if you are near me when I hear this, I may kill you!!!

- Joe

a wise man.once said...

November 6, 2007

"True masculinity is impossible without a substantial volume of male meat."

- Joe

breaking.news

November 1, 2007

It won't be hard to get into that college you've always wanted to get in to. All your college students are belong to us. Have fun with the severe abdominal cramps, violent vomiting, and bloody diarrhea.

"MINNEAPOLIS - General Mills on Thursday recalled about 5 million frozen pizzas sold nationwide under the Totino's and Jeno's labels because of possible E. coli contamination. "

Link for those so inclined.

- Lane

the year.in review

October 30, 2007

There's a lot more I'm sure... these are ones that I saw for the most part.

January 7, 2007 - Romo botches the snap. Hilarity ensues.

January 8, 2007 - Florida rapes and murders Ohio State. Then shits on their corpses.

February 4, 2007 - The good Manning shows Rex how its done. Joe is not happy.

February 28, 2007 - After an entertaining 2 halves of basketball, Acie Law turns on his magnetic-hyperdriven supercomputer shot maker plus 5000 to sink not one but 2 ridiculously clutch three pointers. KD is still teh winnerz.

March sucked I think.

April 2, 2007 - NCAA basketball championship AND opening day for the Astros. Florida shits on Ohio for the second time in the same year. I point out to Eric if Biggio hits a home-run on the first pitch, the Astros will win the World Series. He pops out. Lidge finishes the night off by giving us a preview of the next 161: Giving up the winning runs with a homerun by Jason Bay.

May 5, 2007 - After a day of heavy drinking - Kellner, Eric, and I retire to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Rockets take the first round playoff series from Utah. Err, wait its 2007 not 1994.

Sometime in June - Possibly the most unentertaining NBA finals ever. At least the Mavs got owned by Golden State a few weeks before.

During this time, the Astros find new ways to pour on the shit, my fantasy baseball team becomes the definition of mediocrity, and the only thing people can talk about in sports are Barry Bonds, the Yankees, and Michael Vick. Nevermind that on...

June 29, 2007 - Craig Biggio, hereby known as "The Man," rakes in his 3000th hit. Fuck, what a selfish asshole.

After the all-star break, the Astros are already dead in the water. We all pick our respective band wagons' to jump on and ride out the rest of the season.

August 8, 2007 - Barry Bonds hits 756. No asterisk. See my below post.

September 30, 2007 - The best baseball game I saw the whole year came on the 163rd game. The Rockies surged forward winning some ridiculous amount of games to even get there. The Padres sent out the draft pick I should have saved for myself, Jake Peavy. Matt Holliday ruined some San Diego dreams with that slide. Thinking back now, the Padres in the series would have been great. Those wildfires would be an awesome backdrop for those Red Sox celebrations.

To summarize the Texans season so far:
Noon - Before the Colts game
5 PM - During the Chargers game

If we had comments, you could rip on me for forgetting everything that happened this year. Too bad for you.

- Lane

Friday.from hell!!!

October 26, 2007

It's Friday. Woohoo right? Wrong! I get up to the loud ass beep of my alarm at 6:10am because I need to get to work a little early today. Of course I could afford to wake up at 6:30...hell, even 6:45 but no. I have to set the alarm for 6:10 because I'll then proceed to make love to the snooze button every 5 minutes until I realize I'm an idiot and need to get up. The clock now ticks 6:59am.

I feel like shit. I'm tired. It's fine...nothing 4 16oz. cups of coffee can't cure. Wrong again. All kinds of hell broke lose at work last night and I walk into the office to see '44 Missed Calls' and my voicemail light blinking like fucking crazy. Great.

The call that tops the whole day off comes from a familiar person. I want to jump out of my two story office with a noose around my neck made of barb wire everytime I see his name on the caller id. So he mumbles some shit about how he has no icons on his desktop. Hmmm...weird but stranger things have happened. I feel a sense of relief because it doesnt appear to be anything extraordinary. Anyway I'm pretty confident that I know what they problem is so I tell him to click the Start Menu. He can't find it. I tell him its at the lower left of the screen on the grey bar. No dice. He says he has no 'bar'. I ask "You have no bar at the bottom of the screen?" He says he has five of them. WTF?? Come to find out he was talking the menu buttons on the monitor that look like little 'bars'. Idiot! I tell him its on the actual screen where the icons should be. He then yells "The screen is black!" I ask him if he's got a light on the monitor and what color it is. He says 'yes' and that it's yellow.

I proceed to cover my face with hand and shake my head. Then I calmly enlighten the guy that he should probably "TURN YOUR DAMN COMPUTER ON!" and hang up. Btw...anyone know the maximum recommended dosage of BC headache powder? It may come into play soon.

Moral of the story: This job blows; don't fuck with me today; software engineers are retards and need to be put in concentration camps; people with no common sense can die or also be placed in before-mentioned concentration camps.

- Joe

you're .doing it wrong!!!

October 25, 2007

dumb.

Let me tell you a little something about a place called OMERIKA. It was built on our ancestors dreams of making our own booze, growing pot in our neighbors' flower garden, carrying as many guns as we can into churches, and JUICING UP ON BEEF ROIDS IN ORDER TO DESTROY BASEBALLS WITH WOODEN CLUBS.

Legalize mang, legalize. Let them juice up. This is what all baseball players should look like. I want to see Adam Everett hit one that clears my house.

The media could even add statistics to follow their roid inhaling progress. Something like (Cycles per year * Age) / (Homeruns) = Roid Adjusted Homeruns.  This would be good for baseball.

"2 on. 2 out. Rockies up 3-2. We're in the bottom of the 9th ladies and gentlemen. Last chance for the Red Sox. This is what its all about. October. Fall classic. Season rests on the shoulders of one Manny Ramirez. Manny's homerun last night put his RAH for the postseason at an astounding 3.0. He's been locked in this postseason. We could speculate that his new endorsement AnabolicResearch.com has really pumped his game up. The pitch. Manny puts a big swing on it, its back.. BACK.. BACK... OFF THE BEEFROIDS.COM BILLBOARD. THE GAME IS OVER."

just for fun: <edit: I'll save this until I do some video converting>
 

--lane

crap fucking.z0r

October 19, 2007

Welcome to the Resurrection

Crapzor shall reign. King of all "websites about nothing." I'd compare this reign to my geocities' website in like 1996. A meager but healthy fanbase of three, maybe four intraweb assholes. If Donovan and Mitch can write whatever the hell they want, then we can too. Joe has a new layout in the planning (I hope) that will be major ass kicking. We mos def need a comments section. Let me know if I can help in anyway Joe.

I do have a take today. Josh Beckett is getting too much credit. He's not that good. I mean, I've pitched in video games way fuckin better than this mope. Seriously though, after the Indians pranced his ex-girl on the field to sing the national anthem, Mr. Beckett murdered just about every batter. None of that pussy shit either. I'm talking real fucking brutal murders. Cut their hands off and beat the poor bastards to death with them.

I would just like to point out that Vegas has shifted back in favor of the Red Sox. Yes, down 3 games to 2, they are the favorites to win the series. Vegas is never wrong, so get ready for a Red Sox v Rockies world series.

UPDATE: I really need to stop saying bad things about all these teams. It almost came true.

On another (and totally fucking random) note: Has anyone ever seen this? Rats on Cocaine cartoon... wild. That's all I can say. Fucking wild.

Rats On Cocaine: Late - The funniest videos clips are here

I'm going to hell for that picture above --Lane

true.class

June 29, 2007

Congratulations CB!

some.updates

February 15, 2007

I have terrible road rage when it comes to people driving slow in the fast lanes. It thoroughly irritates the fuck out of me. One thing that pisses me off almost just as much is having that dumbass blank page next to the url. So if you haven't noticed already, i made a favicon today so i wont have to look at that anymore. You're welcome.

Additionally, it is with great sadness that i announce the death of the Wii/Guitar Hero Fitness Program. Thank you Lane for sacrificing a whole....what.....week? Thanks a lot.

vday.sucks

February 14, 2007

Every 14th of February you ladies get the privilege of being showered with gifts, flowers and all that other gushy crap that you find so romantic. It's a great way for your husband/boyfriend to show you just how much he really cares. Well allow me to let you in on a little secret. He doesn't care. He's just stringing you along until the sometimes forgotten but much more important holiday known as Steak & BJ Day.

So keep this in mind when March 14th rolls around. No gifts or flowers. You don't even have to get dressed up or go to dinner on this day. The name explains it all. Just steak...and a blowjob. That's all. If all goes well maybe you'll probably get more than a half dozen cheap roses and a $5 sampler of chocolate covered everything!

forum.downtime

January 22, 2007

Well it looks like the forums went to shit just now. I'm waaaay past due on upgrades so I figured now would be a good time to do those. It shouldn't take too long to install but the restore might be a little tricky. I'll do my best to keep everyone's posts, threads, etc. Just check back later and let me know if you find any bugs. Thanks!

video game.weight loss?

January 18, 2007

So Lane apparently got bored today and decided to start a video game weight loss program involving Guitar Hero for Playstation 2 and Wii Sports for the Nintendo Wii. Anyone who's played either knows just how sore and sweaty you can get, especially the first time around.

You can view his page and follow his progress here.

Feel free to post any comments on the forums as well.

New.homepage!!!

June 08, 2006

look at me.i'm screenman!!!